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Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
Not so great minds also think alike.
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.