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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people