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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes