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Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs