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How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
The worst part of owning an invisibility cloak is trying to remember where you hung it up.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.
It`s not a real hangover until you bring a pillow into the bathroom.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?