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I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.