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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
β€œIf you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to β€œI’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
exercise........you mean extra fries
We get it poets: things are like other things
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.