Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
exercise........you mean extra fries
We get it poets: things are like other things
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.