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Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.