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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
never tell a lie...unless it is true
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.