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If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?