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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.