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Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
Is there another word for synonym?
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
I liked you better before we met.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.