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It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
Iām tired of things costing money.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
ROFL!!ā¦.. LOL jk iām still in my chair.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
If you tickle me, Iām not responsible for your injuries.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.