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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?