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Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.