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I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?