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Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
I dare you to spit on this status.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
This day needs more yesterday.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/