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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)