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The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor’s trash so you don’t get robbed.
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn