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The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves