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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic