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Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.