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Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.