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A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I`m a great husband
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something