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This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.