Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....