Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.