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You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.