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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.