Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.