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Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!