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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....
Today I´m going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.