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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.