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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.