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Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
when in Rome get naked ;)
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."