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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
Waitress: "Hi, my nam-" Me: "Vodka martini, please."
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.