Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.