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I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.