Daily Silly Status

You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.

I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.

My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.

When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.

Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible

I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.

Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.

Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.

Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?

I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.

Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.

When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"

The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.