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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
I like the part of the day when food happens.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!