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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....