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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.