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Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook