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I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?