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If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.