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I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
I have nothing!
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.