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Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
"No, thanks. I`m a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...