Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
Step aside coffee… this is a job for booze.