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Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.