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“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
Buying your wife a gun is like saying. "You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise."