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My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin
Reincarnation is my only hope.