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If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.