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One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.