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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.