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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

β€œI went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid β€œviewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
I`m on that β€œStarts tomorrow” diet.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
My 5 year plan includes purchasing a Slurpee machine.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.